


Hear Me Silently

by ThePeculiarMessenger



Category: SAINW - Fandom, TMNT - Fandom, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003, same as it never was - Fandom, tmnt sainw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-13 17:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePeculiarMessenger/pseuds/ThePeculiarMessenger
Summary: Same As It Never Was dimension. Splinter is dead, Donnie is gone, and the ninja turtles are left alone in the dying world. Can they pull together, even when they are falling in on themselves?





	1. No Light

The vibrating sound of bullets ricocheting off the brick walls around me rang in my head. I saw little explosions of brick dust as the bullets flew around me, and a few bullets managed to pierce my shell.  
Five men of the Foot fired at me, each clad in the same black outfits, their faces hidden by masks. Heavy machine guns rested in their hands, and they enclosed around me, diving in on their chance to get rid of me.  
They had seen me when they had rounded the alley corner. I had been running from them, but the Foot weren't like how they used to be. They were stronger.   
Cursing, I whipped out my sais and made for the five of them. I landed on one in a frenzy, their bullets still hailing down on me. My sais pierced the Foot soldier, and as he toppled, I flipped off onto the ground swiftly. They kept shooting, and the men yelled at me, but I hurled myself at two. I rammed into them like a bull, my weapons putting an end to them. They crumpled to the ground.   
The last bullets they fired caught in my shell, but it didn't stop me. I sliced at them skillfully, instinct putting me where I needed to be. ZING. THWAM. THUD.  
Both soldiers fell to the dusty ground, no cries leaving their masked throats.   
I stood there, staring at the dead bodies. Heart pounding like a runaway train, I put my sais away into my belt, breathing heavy. It was a lot harder to fight off groups of soldiers alone. Without my brothers...  
I numbly looked at the sky.  
Why this? Why more of this?   
This was all there was. This war, this final and ultimate war of death and destruction.   
And we were losing. I was losing. No matter the limits I pushed through, for my brothers, for April, for Casey, for the honor of my father... In the end, it didn't seem to matter.   
The Foot always was bigger, stronger, had no limits and no ends. Shredder always fought with force and alliances- he controlled everything. He had the Kraang and the Foot at his puppet master fingertips: and what did we have? A few people who had escaped slavery. Our militia did nothing to fight Shredder's powers. No matter what defenses we had, or the plans we made, or the people we saved- I looked around and I could see no light.  
To stand together, one for all and all for one- we had to be united. Only, we didn't stand together. Splinter was dead. Donnie was gone. What was left of us, we were falling in on ourselves.   
I fought and fought, I defended the ones I loved and I killed the ones who would kill me. All the world around me was black. Truly dark. The clouds are ashes, the land is the destruction of Evil as it was finally overtaking us.   
I did not have everyone with me. Holes of life were gone. Ripped away. The walls were crumbling, the clock ticking, the words losing their meanings, and the light fading away.


	2. No Sound

The stars shown brighter out here at night. To think, years ago, seeing the stars crystal clear was like a country folk tale... They were there, sure, but my stars were the bright flashing lights in windows, the massive street lights... Those had been my stars. The landscape of a busy city with electricity. New York City. The place where you couldn't see the sky, but the man made lights had somehow been enough.   
Now, my stars had changed. The city was a waste land, and though I knew the people were not all gone off the face of the planet, it sure looked and felt like no one else truly existed. What was left of us, we had each other- but the city itself was a mere landscape of destruction. A shell foreboding the final death that was sure to come. Nothing we could do would stop the end.  
Now, I stared up at the huge black sky, the dark blues that whirled and mixed into it, thousands of white and shining stars looming above me. Years ago, when things were right, when I was just a kid thinking I could be a hero and save the city: I hadn't even bothered, then, to really look up.  
I was desperate to look up now.   
I searched the stars, wanting them to give me some sort of strength. Surely, up there, they could give me something? Those stars just shone, despite anything and everything. And me? I wouldn't shine, but I'd burn. I would burn out and tumble into the vastness of space. Alone.  
But the stars just stayed up there, with the moon comforting me alongside the twinkling, singing stars above. Up here, on the roof of some abandoned warehouse out of the city, I could hide for a while  
A small, bitter breeze made me pull my jacket around tighter.   
In the presence of the moon and stars, I felt even smaller. I was just being a coward. I wasn't where I belonged. I wasn't with my brothers, or April, or Casey... I was running, pretending that all of the things I did, actually meant something in the long run. But I was just running away from the truth.   
What could I do for them, anyway? I could protect them just as well from the outskirts than up close and personal, right? I didn't have to drop my walls I'd built around me. I could just make sure my family was alive, that was what I could do. That is the only thing I had left to do anymore. I was good at that.  
I couldn't give them anything else. I never said the right words, I never opened up right, I never assured them enough, I never was there for a shoulder to cry on... Everyone put up with me, and I did nothing for them in return.  
I was running like a coward.  
The moon and stars still hung far away from me, and the silence around me finally allowed me to drift into a short sleep.


	3. Lost And Found

I awoke before the sun had come up, just as the sky had begun to change colors, the air swiftly turning to the new morning. A new beginning. But no beginning for me. I stirred, silently waking and taking in my surroundings. I was still on the rooftop. No Kraang. No noises. I was still alright.  
I eased up, sighing. A bit early to wake up, but I was long used to it, and I breathed in the crisp fresh air.   
I'd probably roam the outskirts of the city for the morning. See what happened. I had no rush to go back to where April was headquartered at the moment. She could wait a few hours. Besides, I wasn't entirely thrilled with the idea of Casey's curiosity to why I'd been gone. He deserved to know the entire deal, deserved to know what the heck I was doing out here, but I wasn't in the mood to discuss it with him right now. I was more willing to rant to him, however, than have to say anything to April. She worried, always insisting I stay with them and help closer. I wanted to make them happy- but I couldn't go back now.   
It was selfish, it was cowardly, it was pathetic... And I knew. God, how I knew. I thought about it practically every moment of everyday. And I fought and fought against myself.  
I hated it. I hated myself, for being this way. Why couldn't I just go with them again? Why was I making this difficult, it wasn't like I was chained to a building to where I could not move. I could go see them.  
Except I was chained. And I wasn't free to go.   
All of my reasons were burning within me, but the more they built, the more I provoked myself. They all deserved better than me. They deserved better...  
You're as good as they're gonna get. They deserve better, but they deserve the best you can give them. You can't ditch them dry, just because you're useless. You have to do what you can. That's it. But don't hurt them. You can't hurt them again.   
I couldn't leave them, but I couldn't get close again. I hurt people when I got close. They had all gotten hurt enough.   
The wind changed, the fresh smell of the atmosphere passing over me. I stretched, standing up without much grace. Shoving all of the thoughts out of my mind gruffly, I looked around again.  
I had today. I wasn't guaranteed anything else. As Mikey would say, it was time for me to pull my head out of my shell. One day at a time...  
The buildings were all abandoned. Big and small abandoned warehouses, littered against the ashy world. I knew of a few underground railroads, and relief spots, where people occasionally stayed for safety. The relief spots were never a lot, but they were shelter, a stopping point for survivors to keep going. Sometimes, bad stuff would happen in the underground railroads, and they'd be shut down, but others would keep up, and so on. It may be a messy, chaotic process of moving lives along, but... I had to admire these humans. They survived. They fought, against Shredder, his servants, and the political crazies that still existed and tried to make this abyss even darker.   
Among it all, there were still fighters. Warriors. Rebels. All of them; and they didn't always scream out. Many times, they kept their heads down as they did right.   
I admired all of them. It was satisfying to see others keep their heads away from the dark. It was uplifting to see that the entire earth wasn't falling. There were crumbly pieces, still holding on, still holding together.   
The sky was sifted with light colors, and I couldn't help but marvel at it. It was gentle looking, and made me want to stop my patrol and rest under it, just a bit more. But I had no time for relaxing, so I kept on. Everything looked pretty clean, and I started for the city.   
I moved silently, alert for any Kraang or soldiers. Everything was eerily silent.   
I reached another street. It was also deserted, windows of the buildings all ply-wooded. Glass and litter were scattered, along with thistles taking over the alleys. And bones. I tried not to look at the bones.  
I moved quicker, blood going cold. I didn't see or hear anything, and it wasn't like I had anything else to do. I decided to go ahead on to HQ.   
I kept on the rooftops, hidden from the larger building that towered over. I was fixing to hop myself up to the next brick shop, when I stopped abruptly. I turned around, hands on my sias, clenching my jaw.   
The next moment, as I whirled around to attack, the Kraang was already on top of me, and the sound of bullets, once again, rang in my head.


	4. Black Out

I threw up a line of defense, instincts throwing myself upward, away from the attacks. I flipped, jabbing at the back of the neck's of two bots. The electrifying sound of the blades piercing the bots, and then the two figures fell down. As they did, the other Kraang whirled their weapons toward me once again. Blasts of light and fire, and I jumped again, out of their aim.  
Suddenly, I felt my feet pulled out from under me. A blur around me, and before I could bring myself up, the weight of a machine gun slammed against my head. Blindly, I threw all my arm strength into a wild swing, my sais ripping through the Kraang's body. I tried to refocus, but I knew that there were more bots now, and not just the original few. I yelled, fighting to get back up. The bullets didn't cease, and I felt them push through my shell. Into my arms, legs...   
More Kraang forced themselves closer, and I felt a few more blows, the bullets going past my head. The more I tried to overtake them, slash and rip, the more enclosed I became.   
Through the blur, the chaos, and the noise, I heard one yell. And it wasn't my own. But I knew the war cry well.  
A few Kraang turned away from me, fighting the new intruder, and I fought once more, jumping against the spawn and slicing off their heads. Blood began to fill my eyes, but I knew I wasn't alone, and stamina filled me once more.  
A flash of orange, a long swing of a weapon, and more bots were brought down in front of me. I disarmed one, switching the gun and shooting at a few quickly, then as I was approached from behind; I swung and they fell.   
"Get down!" The rough shout sounded overhead of me, and thoughtlessly, I ducked, twisting myself to see my brother fall down onto the back of one Kraang, his nun-chuck wrapped around its neck, and he pulled as fast as lightening, removing the robot's head skillfully. He swung out his chain again, catching another Kraang by its head, and then jumped high. He brought himself down hard on the ground, flipping the Kraang over.   
I obliged, shooting my sais through the fallen Kraang's head.   
The sounds of bullets and fire was a mere echo ringing in my head. I looked around, expecting more Kraang standing before me; but I only found the bodies littering the alley. It was over.  
Breathing hard, body heaving, I tugged my weapons out of a bot's head. I took a step back, sheathing my sais. I looked up, at my brother.  
"Are you OK?" Mikey questioned, frowning, forehead creasing in worry. He took a step toward me. I swallowed tightly, trying to recover my senses.   
"Are you?" The words came out before I could manage to answer his first. He gave a nod, putting away his nun-chucks quickly, then shook his head.   
"You don't look too good, Raph," He murmured, and I defiantly stepped back again.   
"I'm fine, I'm..." I put a hand on my head, where the blood was coming into my eyes and down my neck. My vision turned to black, and I grunted, blinking. Before I realized it, I was falling backwards.   
"Ho!" Mikey cried, rushing for me as I sunk against the brick building. I fell hard against the wall, and Mikey grabbed me by the arm.   
I tried to see clearly, but as soon as I attempted to shake my head a little, it began to throb even harder, pounding against my eyes. I shut them tight, cursing.  
I forced my eyes open anyway, staring at Mikey. He was looking me over, still grasping onto me, probably looking for any other wounds. I felt the tightness and pain where bullets had packed into my shell, but I really only felt the gash on my temple. It made my head swim. I tried to push myself up.   
"Take it easy, don't move," Mikey said firmly. I had to push through it... I opened my eyes again.  
"We have to get out of here," I muttered gruffly, and then forced the next words through a throb that made my head feel like fire. "More will be comin',"  
"OK," Mikey got on his knees, "You ready?" Without waiting for a response, Mikey grabbed me by one arm, and then, with his other, lifts me up. For a moment, I lost any idea of where the ground was and what gravity was making me do, so a feeling of nausea washed over me. I groaned, and Mikey managed to swing me up over his shoulders, Army style.   
"Keep pressure on it, alright?" He reminded me, and knowing I have to, or else I'll bleed to death or something, I clenched my jaw as I pressed my hand against my head. I tried to stay awake, but between the queasiness, black, and pain- I blacked out.


	5. Wake Up

I moved silently, feeling everything with my eyes shut. My head was aching like a bull was chasing a red flag inside my brain, and my chest felt like a truck was sitting on it- but I managed to open my eyes. I was on a bed, covered in blankets. The room around me was dimly lit. I reached up to feel a bandage on my head. I sat up a bit, groaning. Maybe moving first thing was a stupid idea.  
"Raph?"   
Mikey's voice, and I was almost startled by it; but when I looked down, he's sitting in a small chair, scooted up beside the bed I'm on. I frowned at him, his eyes widening. Mikey gave a relieved grin. Before I could protest, he was up and hugging me.   
"Hey!" I grunted, and he sheepishly released his large hug.   
"You're awake," He exclaimed with satisfaction, and stared me over. "How do you feel?"  
For a moment, the memories of Mikey making sure I was OK, over our childhood, swept over me. He'd always make some joke, or remind me of what had happened in a light way, never making me feel too stupid (because usually, when I got hurt, it was a stupid reason). But now, he offered nothing to lighten the air.   
"Better..." I frowned, looking at him. When had I seen him last? It hadn't been too long... But it seemed like forever.   
"That's good..." Mikey nodded, giving a half-hearted chuckle. "I was really worried... Uh, we all were, of course, but..." He cleared his throat, shaking his head. His face changes solemnly. I knew he was dying to say something, to confess up front- but he stopped himself.   
"Sorry, for making you guys worry..." I said quietly, figuring I might as well say it, given the chance. "Thanks."  
Mikey looked up at me in his silent dilemma. "What?"  
"Thanks for saving me back there." I forced myself to look him in the eye.  
I watched as Mikey's face softens, and his old self seeps back into his eyes.   
"Fight as brothers, right?" He said the words with a spirited passion, even though we both saw the pain they brought in each other's eyes. Splinter had taught us, had raised us, to fight together. To be a team. To be a family.  
I felt my heart fall inside.  
"Fight as brothers." I repeated. I felt admiration toward my brother. I felt like I contradicted my father's words constantly, but I could never turn away from my brothers.   
Never.  
We were both silent for a moment, and then Mikey finally spoke up.  
"Ya know..."  
I glanced up, thinking maybe he'd spill his guts over what he had been hiding earlier. It wasn't like I had any idea what he had stopped himself from saying before. I was worried about what he was hiding.  
"I'm glad you're still here, Raph. You gave me a big scare back there. Don't do it again, got it?" Mikey said, a certain anxiousness to his voice. He didn't mean to sound too serious, but I knew he meant what he said. I nodded.  
"Don't go off scarin' me, then, got it?"   
"Deal." Mikey chuckled, shaking his head at me. "I'd better go tell April and Casey you're alive. They've been worried, too. Big bonehead, I bring you back here bleeding to death and suddenly, you're everyone's favorite." Mikey joked, opening the door, half grinning. He was purposely pulling at my leg, but I gave into it. Grinning, but forcing myself to look cross, I yelled at him.   
"Get out, shellbrain."  
He cackled as he shuts the door. Just like old times.


	6. All Together

A sudden silence fell over the room without my brother to break it. I was used to the silence. Terrified of it.  
Panic washed in me. April... Casey... What questions would they have? What new worries, now that I'd showed up beaten and half dead? How would they react? Would they panic and insist I stay? Of course they would. There was no way out of this.   
I could imagine both disappointed faces... I felt myself wither inside. What was I doing? I was hurting them. By trying to protect them, in my selfish ways, I was truly hurting them.  
The door opened once more, and Casey, April, and Mikey crowded in. They were all smiling, glad to see me alive. They were all exhausted, too. I saw it in their eyes.  
"Raph!" April said softly, smiling as she pressed her hand onto mine, squeezing tight. Casey stood behind her, smiling his rugged grin. He looked weary, as if he hadn't gotten any sleep and had been beaten up or something: both assumptions probably spot on.  
"Good to see you up," Casey said, and April nodded in agreement. Casey put a hand on April's shoulder.   
They were all hiding something. They were all holding back. Biting their tongues to keep from saying something. Holding themselves away...  
"How do you feel? You were out for a while... But don't worry, no more Kraang were found, and we got you fixed up." April informed me gently. It was like she was only covering the basics, trying to cover the silence, trying to distract me from both Casey and Mikey's averted attitudes.   
"Good..." I focused on her words, fumbling inside. "How long has it been, exactly?" I rubbed the back of my neck.  
"A day or two." April assured me.   
"You just need more rest, that's all. Then you'll be in tip top shape." Casey added, trying his best to lift my spirits. There was something off about the way he said it, but I returned a half-hearted agreement. I felt too tired to return any joke, or enlightenment on behalf of their concerns.   
Mikey saw me go quiet, and stepped up.  
"How about you rest some more, huh?" He suggested, keeping his composure encouraging. I was frustrated with how they all were acting. What were they hiding? What was going on? What did I not know? Was this secret about me playing vigilante by myself? Or was it something else- something worse?  
Maybe they were protecting me. Or maybe, they just didn't know how to approach me, with whatever it was.   
"We'll let you rest. Do you need anything?" April smiled, and I shook my head. "Get some rest, Raphael." Her voice is kind and motherly, and I wish I knew what she was keeping from me. Guilt tossed within me; this was my fault. She was hurting because of my selfishness. I managed to give her a small smile as a reply, mind racing with questions and an unsettled feeling in my gut.  
April looked at me one last time at the door, before slipping out of the room. Casey trailed her, after giving me a short nod and a small word of how he was glad to see me again. Typical Casey: he'd stumble over himself, but in the end, he was a brother.   
Mikey cleared his throat. I wanted to say something to him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong. Mikey averted his eyes for a second, then finally looked at me.   
He seems taller. And larger. Standing there, with such an air about him, it hits me hard. I didn't see the young Mikey I'd grown up with. The joker, the crazy one, the carefree one, the one who had a good or wise word when we least expected it.   
Instead, I saw a Mikey whose shoulders were squared because of what he carried on them. It was not that he looked older, it was the fact that he was. I saw a Mikey who had silenced himself, who had turned to observing, who has an eagle eye to any and every emotion. He had just learned to keep his mouth shut.   
Mikey didn't complain. He didn't choose sides. He never lost faith. He pulled on. He didn't shut himself off to where he was needed.  
"Raph..." Mikey began, frowning. "I know we all have our own ways of coping. Of moving on. Of dealing with stuff. Of surviving..." He was tentative, fiddling with his belt, not looking me in the eyes.  
"But Raph... There's good and bad ways to keep going. I'm not going to pile onto you with how worried we all are, or tell you what you should and shouldn't do... You know April and Casey mean well when they rain down on you, but, I'm not gonna do that." Mikey gripped the back of the little chair, sighing. "I know why you're running, Raphael. I understand. I get it. Maybe you have to keep stuff from everyone else, but you don't have to protect me. None of us are the same people we were when all this started." His voice cracked a little. "You're not the only one who's scared, Raph."  
That last sentence made my walls crumble. Mikey's voice was so small, and raw, and utterly unspoken, I was taken back. I gripped the bed, shaking my head. I didn't know what to say. His words rang in my ears, my head whirled with them.   
Mikey turned his face down, leaning in the chair slightly.   
"None of us can get through this alone." He pressed on. "No matter what demons get in our head, we have to pull through. For one another, if nothing else. Raph, you're needed. Nothing will ever change what you mean to us. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I can't predict the future, or anything-" He caught his breath, forcing his eyes up to me, and I gritted my teeth. My head is screaming at me, screaming...  
He's right! He's nothing but right! You're a fool. Nothing more. You've been writing pathetic excuses for yourself to run... And, of course, you're hurting everyone.   
"I only know that Splinter didn't raisethis family for us to split and end so easily. I can't fix everything. I can't drag everyone back as one big happy family." Mikey's clenched fists softened. "But I can keep that fire Splinter started going. I can try." Mikey's determined eyes were moist, his mouth a thin line.   
"I don't know what anything on the future holds, Mikey. But I won't let our family end." And I meant it. I meant this truth with every fiber in my being. I reached out a hand to my brother, and I saw his face brim with pride.   
He clasped my hand, and the bond of blood was reunited, stronger than ever. We both grinned, relief washing over us. Mikey was still Mikey. He was still my brother. Mikey's the last person who would ever give up on me.  
"Kazoku." Mikey said, his grip tightening.   
"Kazoku." I repeated, eyes lowering.  
"You look like you could use some sleep. I'll check back in on you, in a while. Good?" He sighed, rubbing his face. I nodded, settling back into the bed.  
"Later, Raph." Mikey began to shut the door behind him.  
"Later, Mikey."   
It had been a while since I'd felt safe. Safe enough to sleep without waking up from a nightmare- but as I dug myself farther and under the sheets, I felt oddly at peace. I had things to clear away and through, but right now... It didn't seem so big.   
Everything would come out alright. No bad guy could change that. No bad guy could rip us apart. We'd mend. We'd heal. We'd fight against the bad.  
I pondered over Mikey's words; and for the first time, I rested assured. My head throbbed, and I couldn't keep my eyes open; but I was with my family. I was in their grasp. I wasn't being a coward right now. I would not continue to be one, either.  
I drifted into sleep, dreams flooding in of memories when I had been just a little kid. I let myself dream.


End file.
